Let's face it ladies.. Over half of us have looked at our husbands or boyfriends and questioned, "Is there a happily ever after?" This is not saying you are not madly in love with them, this is just a thought you might get when your partner has gotten comfortable. He has stopped trying so hard and you're wondering why?
Did it ever occur to you that you are no princess? Hear me out...
When you got together, BOTH of you made different efforts to impress the other because you had to figure each other out. You, the woman who knows this is a man who is worth getting to know, get dressed specially for him. You put on your perfume, you primp your hair, you have FUN, and you laugh.. nervously but you still laugh.. You give him this impression that you are a confident, FUN, and lovable person. Your laugh makes him smile and he knows he's done well because laughing is his affection. He, the man who has his eyes on you and no one else, goes to great lengths of trimming his hair (no matter where that may be), he buys you presents, wears cologne, brushes his teeth, takes showers regularly, lifts you up to make you feel skinny and special, and above all... makes you the center of his attention.
Then.. somewhere down the road, you both get comfortable and stop working so hard at being the person that intrigued the other. Because in reality, you are still that little girl who is insecure with her body because you have listened to all the media and girls around you on how to make yourself pretty.. His jokes used to make you laugh but now they just bore you or annoy you, your lovable personality starts to dim because you start feeling like a partner, friend or his mother. He is that little boy who got told that sharing his emotions is gay and he needs to suck it up, he was taught that being clean is for impression only and what happens behind closed doors is his business. Mommies usually got tired of always picking up after their stinky sons and by the time he was almost an adult, they just gave up all together on nagging him into a shower.
The funny thing about this situation though.. is that your expectations when you first started are still somewhat there. They may be evolved, or manifested into something more specific, but as you grow you learn yourself and start seeing things about a partner you want that you might be missing.
So, how can you help get your prince charming back instead of sticking your nose in a book to find him?
You start talking. He may not want to hear it at first but guess what, he WILL want to listen after this phrase: "I want to fall in love with you again." His attention will be all yours. It may be yours because he's afraid you ARE NOT in love with him anymore, or he may be wide open and screaming, "FINALLY!"
Don't start this conversation when there are other distractions. And DON'T talk about this before you go to sleep. Because one or both of you may just end up rolling over. You want your man back and you need him the way he once was before you start really strongly questioning "is there a happily ever after?"
Be fair to him ladies, you know he needs things from you and you want things from him to give him his needs. If you want your prince charming, you need to be his princess.
Now, I am not saying.. go out and change yourself to attract him. Because then you may just find another dead end. That's how all these expectations got skewed in the first place. You being someone to attract him and he being someone to attract you. It's time to talk about it and get down to the nitty gritty. He needs to know what you want out of a man and you need to know what he wants out of a woman. Being honest may be the hardest thing in the world but it's the most needed, why?... Because the only way to get what you want is to make it plain and available for your partner to hear you and consider how he can be that man for you. If you are completely honest, and you have expressed yourself totally and truly.. and he doesn't work on a thing... Well, that's something you will have to consider on your own time.
But also remember a few things-
1. You know him pretty well by now to know that you cannot set the bar too high for him to reach. He needs to know that he CAN be that man.
2. You also have to develop the ability to be the best version of yourself. This means, you need to find your confidence and be proud of who you are. YOU are a special person and must always know that. You don't need someone to constantly be there to make you feel special because you would not be here if you did not have a purpose.
3. Compromise!
4. Be a good listener. Don't assume you know his answers, and don't assume that you can finish his sentences when he's trying to comprehend everything you just told him. There can't be this "well thats what I want and if you can't do it then.. I don't know yet but.. I'll be sure to let you know when I figure it out!" attitude. He's a guy.... He has to process your feelings, your thoughts, and be sure that he can understand it the way you are expressing it.
5. Ever heard of Mars and Venus... it's true... your words are telling him one thing and he hears another.. So choose your words wisely and be ready to argue your point. Don't get mad just reiterate it. He needs to hear you and understand you the way that HE thinks.. So explain it in his terms.
6. Be supportive. You know that you gave him this list and just because he doesn't do it to exactly your liking, don't make him feel like he's already failing. Give him a reason to keep trying. Make him feel like his efforts are important and that you love him for trying. He's after all, the man you fell in love with.
This is my advice for the day!
Now go get your Prince Charming!
<3 Kristi
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