Manipulation

Good morning ya'll!!!
This one goes out to women especially but can be utilized by all.

We are all guilty of either using it or it being used against us. Even FRIENDS have been known to manipulate us. There seems to be this misconception that to get what you want, you must manipulate your way to it. But here's what you really should be thinking, if you really have to manipulate others to get what you want, is it really that healthy to be chasing?

Now, let's decide on how to stop this cycle in relationships. (Remember, what you choose to do with this information is your decision)

WHAT MANIPULATION LOOKS LIKE:

"No one will love you as much as me."
"Why can't you just be patient, things are going to be different once I..."
"Stop crying, I hate it when you cry."
ANY kind of blackmail.
"Well, if you hadn't of done this, then I wouldn't have..."
"It's not like I do it all the time..."
"Do you really want to go there?"
"Stop kicking a dead horse."
ANY kind of threats.
"I was just so angry at you."
"Do you honestly think you can make it without me?"

There are so many other ways words have manipulated you but these are some of the most commonly heard (on my end from friends with their partners and even my own previous partners) within relationships.

WHAT DOES MANIPULATION MEAN:

Dictionary.com states:
1. To negotiate, control, or influence (something or someone) cleverly, skilfully, or deviously/
2. To falsify for one's own advantage.


Wiki examines a successful psychological manipulation to look like this:
1. Concealing aggressive intentions and behaviors
2. Knowing the psychological vulnerabilities of the victim to determine what tactics are likely to be most effective
3. Having a sufficient level of ruthlessness to have no qualms about causing harm to the victim if necessary.


LEVEL OF MANIPULATION


Now, stated above it seems like manipulation is so extreme that it just isn't happening in your life. 
But there are so many levels of manipulation. You know this deep down because you too have done or said something to get what you want. Kids are GREAT at it! But guess what, at some point in a relationship, manipulation becomes more harmful than it does anything else. Because it brings you to a place of "I am not worthy." 


Level 1: The "I want a cookie and I must debate you on why I deserve that cookie" stage.
- You know what I am talking about ladies.. And if you don't have a grin on your face, you should be now. This is the "awe" stage because you respect their willingness to debate with you, to talk their way into actually deserving that cookie. But remember, if they master this stage, and you give in every time.. watch out for Level 2.

Level 2: "I am the only cookie you can find, so suck it up."
Oh yes. This is a destructive and confusing level. You are at a vulnerable stage if you have hit this level because now they are taking your options away (mentally). If you don't break them of this manipulation by either walking away or standing your ground, you are in for a long and emotional haul.

Level 3: "I am the only cookie you deserve."
Wow. There is so much I can say about this level but it fires me up in a very negative way so I will keep it short and simple. This is the stage where your vulnerability has broken and you are no longer looking for something more or feel like you deserve something more. This is the stage where you are being abused (I don't know how you might be receiving that abuse- i.e. verbal or physical, but get out.. This is not healthy and you are WAY stronger than that. Because guess what... You're strong enough to handle this kind of abuse, you are strong enough to walk away from it.

STOPPING THE CYCLE

1. Approach your feelings. Respect them. They are telling you something and you need to listen. If you have met Level 1 and you are feeling a little discouraged... this is a good time to talk with your partner and let them understand how you are feeling. Give them a reason to see how strong you are. You are a Tigress! Show your stripes and let them hear you roar! You do not need to over power them, this is not a power struggle. This is equality in respect and helping them see how you are special and deserve to be treated with respect. This is the time to show them you have the ability to respect their feelings and wants but if they are only in it for what they deserve, then you can move on. It's not like you can't be just as independent without them.

2. Strength in numbers. More than likely if you have hit Level 2, you are in a place where you are talking to your girlfriends. You are letting them know that something is not okay and you don't know how to fix it. Most men realize that you are a woman who talks to friends and they will make you feel bad about talking to them about your problems. "We don't need anyone involved in our relationship" Is usually the words that are heard. So now you have to talk but you have to lie about talking. This is not okay and you need to be prepared for if/when they find out somehow that you've been talking. You have the RIGHT to release your frustrations out to your close and trustworthy friends. You NEED it. Because if you somehow have reached level 3, and then you really stop talking... they are going to notice and you will want them to call the cops when your head meets his fist. Usually, Level 2 can be rectified if you are strong enough to say "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH" and let them recognize their manipulative ways. You know it's happening and they know it's happening. I hear "Well I already know what he would say" coming out of your mouth. And if that IS you, then guess what.. Welcome to Level 2... Time to get strong and brave.. because you DESERVE more and do not need to settle for being manipulated the rest of your life.

3. Resources! You know your resources, utilize them. There are safe houses. Also, you have family and friends who WANT to help... you just have to reach out. And lastly, if you are being physically abused, go to the cops... get it on paper. Because once you bring it enough times.. A judge is going to be happy to sign you over FULL and LEGAL custody of your children as well as a supported uncontested divorce, AND a restraining order. Your safety is important and you need to recognize that YOU are important. No one deserves to be beat down and abused.. EVER.

I hope this reaches a lot of hearts today, because this topic really sung to mine this morning. Life is full of confusion and ups and downs and what you choose to do with them is up to you but every action has a reaction and you need to be equipped, as the strong tigress you are..

Go out and conquer the world today! You deserve it!

<3 Kristi